Major insensitivity....something to offend everyone

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Major insensitivity....something to offend everyone

Postby djfisher22 » Sat Feb 18, 2012 5:41 pm

Major insensitivity....something to offend everyone


I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by
turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.
I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
~ ~ ~
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I
did .... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
~ ~ ~
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting
"pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21
and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
~ ~ ~
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class
give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd
better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
~ ~ ~
Question - Are there too many immigrants in the United States?
17% said yes;
11% said No;
72% said "I am not understanding the question please."

The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex
with me because she can't afford batteries!

A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do t
hey need at home.
1st kid says "A computer".
Teacher replies "That'd be very useful."
2nd kid says "a new lawn mower" and gets a similar response.
Little Johnny pops up and says "At my house we don't need nothin."
The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, "no I'm sure." "When my sister started going out
with a Muslim, I remember my dad saying, "Well, that's the last damned thing we need."

A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says,
"How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

My girlfriend says she thinks that I might be a stalker.
Well ... she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said
she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented
iPod after realizing that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.

The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards
the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches
to the driveway.
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Re: Major insensitivity....something to offend everyone

Postby 71 H2 » Sat Feb 18, 2012 5:49 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Major insensitivity....something to offend everyone

Postby olde coney » Sat Feb 18, 2012 9:12 pm

father O'Reilly let the kids of the parish shave his hair off for charity.

afterwards he was asked how he felt. He said " It feels strange but i think it makes my cock look bigger " :lol:
There is a big difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit
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Re: Major insensitivity....something to offend everyone

Postby bolly » Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:25 am

crazy bastids!!! :up
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Re: Major insensitivity....something to offend everyone

Postby Wolfie » Sun Feb 19, 2012 3:18 pm

I see the Dwarves escaped your rantings this time DJ.. :D
.
.
I used to be a Yorkshire Werewolf, but am alreet nar!
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Re: Major insensitivity....something to offend everyone

Postby 666rog » Fri May 11, 2012 8:34 am

I absolutely love the last one DJ. :lol:
Manufacturer of the finest quality swarf in the UK.
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Re: Major insensitivity....something to offend everyone

Postby irhobotolo » Sat May 12, 2012 4:47 pm

Paddy heard that the Tanker drivers might go on strike so he decided to stock up on Diesel.

So far he has three sweatshirts, two tee shirts and a pair of jeans.
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Re: Major insensitivity....something to offend everyone

Postby lawman » Wed May 16, 2012 11:58 am

FOOKIN bRILLIANT .........MY SORT OFD HUMOUR :clap :clap :clap :clap
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