LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

EVERY message board has a "Boxing Ring". . here is a forum where you can say what you want about who you want . . . or just rant in general

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby kas750 » Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:43 pm

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut,
You'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to that good looking girl over there."

***

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said to her, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now. "

***

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a
Woman was born just by feeling their tits.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

"Come on, what day was I born"?

I said, “Yesterday."

***

"Jesus loves you."

A nice gesture in church but a terrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

***
User avatar
kas750
 
Posts: 930
Joined: Wed Jun 03, 2009 7:47 pm
Location: Euxton,Lancashire

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby H2Herman » Sun Jan 06, 2013 8:02 pm

Now here are the rules from the male side

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered #1 ON PURPOSE!



1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.



1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1.. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us..

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we...

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings..
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear..

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...REALLY.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motor sports.


1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight.. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...
LIFE IS AN ILLUSION CAUSED BY A LACK OF ALCOHOL
User avatar
H2Herman
 
Posts: 358
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:56 pm
Location: Buckinghamshire

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby H2Herman » Sun Jan 13, 2013 6:37 pm

Image
LIFE IS AN ILLUSION CAUSED BY A LACK OF ALCOHOL
User avatar
H2Herman
 
Posts: 358
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:56 pm
Location: Buckinghamshire

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby Wolfie » Sun Jan 13, 2013 10:33 pm

smokin wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: .... guys, you are just killing me... :lol: :lol:


Oh hey, I just realised Esa... this was the last time we saw you before..
.
.
I used to be a Yorkshire Werewolf, but am alreet nar!
User avatar
Wolfie
 
Posts: 2623
Joined: Wed Jun 03, 2009 5:57 pm
Location: East, North and South Yorkshire, We're the Elawi.

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby piroflip » Sun May 05, 2013 8:30 am

A farmer was walking across his land and spotted a man with his back to him just about to drink from a puddle.

"Don't drink from there" he shouted, "the cows have been shitting in that field all day".

Just then the man turned and said "sorry, what did you say?".

The farmer (noticing that the man was a Pakistani) said "I said use two hands, you'll get more in".
piroflip
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 5:11 pm
Location: Warrington

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby H2Herman » Wed May 15, 2013 7:49 pm

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas
City to Chicago.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldnt think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy said,"Yes she did."

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time."
LIFE IS AN ILLUSION CAUSED BY A LACK OF ALCOHOL
User avatar
H2Herman
 
Posts: 358
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:56 pm
Location: Buckinghamshire

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby H2Herman » Thu Oct 10, 2013 3:00 pm

Scousers are not stupid !

53,000 Scousers meet in Anfield for a 'Scousers Are Not Stupid' convention.
Steven Gerrard addresses the crowd.. 'We are all here today to prove to the world that Scousers are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?'
Wayne Rooney gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

Gerrard asks him 'What is 15 plus 15?'

After 15 or 20 seconds Rooney says, ' Forty!'

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Scousers start chanting 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'
Gerrard says, 'Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance.'

So he asks, 'What is 5 plus 5?'

After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, ' Twelve?'

Gerrard looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh.
Everyone is disheartened and Rooney starts crying.
But then the 53,000 Scousers begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, 'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'

Gerrard, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says, 'OK then, what is 2 plus 2?'
Silence hangs over the stadium.

Rooney closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, 'Four?'

Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Scouse crowd stand to a man, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream,

'Give him another chance! Give him another chance!'
LIFE IS AN ILLUSION CAUSED BY A LACK OF ALCOHOL
User avatar
H2Herman
 
Posts: 358
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:56 pm
Location: Buckinghamshire

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby olde coney » Thu Oct 10, 2013 4:12 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:
There is a big difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit
User avatar
olde coney
 
Posts: 2528
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:58 am
Location: Northern Ireland, via Yorkshire and Cumbria

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby kas750 » Thu Oct 10, 2013 4:38 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
User avatar
kas750
 
Posts: 930
Joined: Wed Jun 03, 2009 7:47 pm
Location: Euxton,Lancashire

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby husson73 » Fri Oct 11, 2013 7:27 am

typical british humour, Gotz you're now in the other side :lol: :lol: :lol: :up
Jean-Pierre CH.
"We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender" WS Churchill.
User avatar
husson73
 
Posts: 3147
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:45 am
Location: PARIS FRANCE

PreviousNext

Return to Speakers Corner . .

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron