LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

EVERY message board has a "Boxing Ring". . here is a forum where you can say what you want about who you want . . . or just rant in general

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby djfisher22 » Sat Aug 13, 2011 12:26 am

I was sitting at the traffic light yesterday next to a car load of Muslims when a big semi-trailer drove right over the top of their car. Flattened it!
"Wow!" I thought, "That could've been me"!


So I went and got a Commercial driver's license.
User avatar
djfisher22
 
Posts: 752
Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2009 12:54 am
Location: Pittsburgh,Pennsylvania

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby 71 H2 » Sat Aug 13, 2011 5:09 am

For some reason I didn't read a word of that posting........ :beer
71 H2
 
Posts: 399
Joined: Tue Nov 03, 2009 7:46 pm
Location: Little Haywood, Staffordshire, UK.

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby husson73 » Sat Aug 13, 2011 8:03 am

71 H2 wrote:For some reason I didn't read a word of that posting........ :beer

:lol: :lol: :lol:
Jean-Pierre CH.
"We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender" WS Churchill.
User avatar
husson73
 
Posts: 3147
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:45 am
Location: PARIS FRANCE

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby Old-Nail » Sat Aug 13, 2011 12:16 pm

A salesman knocks at the door of a house and is greeted by a twelve-year-old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half-empty bottle of whisky in the other.
The salesman asks the boy, “Excuse me, son, but is your mum or dad in?” The boy replies, “Does it fucking look like it?”

A bishop is doing the Times crossword. Absentmindedly, he says aloud: “Exclusively female, blank-U-N-T”
A young curate sitting next to him suggests: “Aunt?” “You’re right,” says the bishop. “I don’t suppose you have a rubber?”

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went to play a round of golf with their respective wives tagging along as caddies. While they are walking around the course the Englishman’s wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground with her skirt over her
head, revealing that she wasn’t wearing any underwear. Deeply embarrassed, the Englishman stormed over and demanded a reason for her state of undress. “Well, darling,” she explained, “You give me so little housekeeping money that I have to make the odd sacrifice, usually no one notices.” With that the Englishman fumbled for his wallet and said, “Here’s a tenner, go to Marks and Spencer’s and get some knickers.”

Two holes further on, the Irishman’s wife was caught by a gust of wind, lifting her skirt over her head, revealing that she wasn’t wearing any knickers either. The Irishman ran over and demanded a reason for her lack of underwear. “Well, darling,” she explained “you give me so little housekeeping money that I have to make the odd sacrifice, usually no one notices.” With that the Irishman put his hand into his pocket and said, “Here’s a fiver, go to Primark and get some knickers.”

Three holes further on, the Scotsman’s wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground with her skirt over her head, revealing that she too wasn’t wearing any knickers. The Scotsman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. “Well, darling,” she explained, “you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice, usually no one notices.” With that the Scotsman put his hand into his pocket and said, “Here’s a comb, go and tidy yourself up, woman!”
Old-Nail
 
Posts: 67
Joined: Wed Mar 16, 2011 7:52 pm
Location: Lancashire

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby H2Herman » Thu Oct 18, 2012 6:19 pm

LIFE IS AN ILLUSION CAUSED BY A LACK OF ALCOHOL
User avatar
H2Herman
 
Posts: 358
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:56 pm
Location: Buckinghamshire

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby piroflip » Wed Oct 24, 2012 12:34 pm

What's the difference between a lover, a prostitute, and a wife in the bedroom?

The lover thinks "gosh, this is wonderful".
The prostitute thinks "gosh, I'm making a lot of money from this".
And the wife thinks "gosh, that ceiling could do with painting".
piroflip
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 5:11 pm
Location: Warrington

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby H2Herman » Thu Oct 25, 2012 6:47 pm

A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all of his own. He went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, a stunning young blonde lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with Him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears?!?!?'
'Look at these breasts; they are a full 39 inches and 100% natural.
I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid.
I have a 28 inch waist.
Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered ....
'Outside,.... when you said you.......heard someone coming.......that was me......'
LIFE IS AN ILLUSION CAUSED BY A LACK OF ALCOHOL
User avatar
H2Herman
 
Posts: 358
Joined: Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:56 pm
Location: Buckinghamshire

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby Hal » Thu Oct 25, 2012 8:29 pm

Jimmy Savile's family removed all identification from his grave, leaving a small hole and no bush.

Just what he always liked
User avatar
Hal
 
Posts: 868
Joined: Wed Jun 03, 2009 7:04 pm
Location: Surrey

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby husson73 » Fri Oct 26, 2012 7:59 am

Hal wrote:Jimmy Savile's family removed all identification from his grave, leaving a small hole and no bush.

Just what he always liked
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Jean-Pierre CH.
"We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender" WS Churchill.
User avatar
husson73
 
Posts: 3147
Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:45 am
Location: PARIS FRANCE

Re: LETS JUST OFFEND EVERYONE!

Postby Lou » Sat Oct 27, 2012 4:27 am

:clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
User avatar
Lou
 
Posts: 731
Joined: Thu Jun 04, 2009 8:00 pm
Location: Kingsville Ontario

PreviousNext

Return to Speakers Corner . .

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron